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Didn't realize I haven't updated this in ages. We worked our issues out. Everything's chill. I worked everything out. Sorry for being so childish. I will update this later but things are happening in a big way and I am just holding on for dear life. I am scared but we will see...

Been a year

It's been a year since I moved here. I am proud I have gotten this far, I have matured more than I ever thought I would and have learned really hard lessons. One of which I learned how people who say they care more than often don't.  A friend of mine said that when I left the states that people would forget about me. I said those were lies, I didn't beleive, I stayed in contact in email, phone, anyway I could. But it turns out its true. I have tried to get in contact with a few people, leaving messages, emails, texts, anything. But they ignore them. And you know why? Because when you move you become dead to people. You find out what you truly mean to people.  And you find out that some people consider you as a burden rather than a friend.  You realize that though you might try to help someone they will throw it in your face.  I have even wanted to join the Fur Affinity art community, or a mush of a friend of mine but that was thrown in my face. Just like Chris says 'you didn't expect it to last.'

Zombies, Kisses and couchs.


Yes friends it is inevitable. Most of you know I absolutely HATE zombies, I am not afraid of them I just find them truly annoying.

Looks like we would be screwed if they really existed. But I bet Norwich would destroy them, we are good like that. Though I think I would rather be stuck in a house with Jack, my super patriotic friend, with something like 12 guns with a huge amount of land and a house I could so make self sufficient.  So long as I am not in London.  That would suck. LOL

Chris and I have been doing so well, its unbeleiveable. We have really been working on communicateing he has been so romantic kissing me more than enough times a day. I feel like we have only now just found each other. I am so happy things have worked out so well. He hasn't been rude or harsh to me at all.  I love him to bits.

Recently I found a fabulous new website which I RECOMMEND TO EVERY WOMAN

this website has inspired me and gotten me to accomplish more in a few days than I have been able to in weeks. It is lovely.  Our house is truely starting to look like a home, a damn good looking home in my humble opinion, something I never thought I would be worthy of.  We are throwing a party on the 29th and we expect about 25 people to show up. It is going to be amazing. I am so excited. We are having a bon fire, fireworks, cake, bbq, anything and EVERYTHING you can ask for. We even got an extra sofa bed.

Chris came home the other day, he told me with a Pikey (see definition yank friends) glint in his eye that there was a free sofa bed on the side of the road 'JUST DOWN THE STREET' and it was in amazing condition, brand new.
According to Chris the neighborhood, nay the world, would jump on this once in a life time opportunity and we needed to get there quick... Only one thing he said ended up being true, that sofa was definately free.
After calling around 5 people, we realized everyone was either drunk or didn't have access to a car to carry it, that meant we were alone to gather our new found treasure. And with that we set off, he in his flipflops me in my sensible lace up shoes, to carry a sofa to our house. Let me explain that more clearly, we were going to walk along a busy street carrying a sofa in our HANDS.

At first, I thought it would be right down the street, as I had been told...boy was I wrong. A block passed by...than another street, than another block...and a few more streets....nearly 15 minutes later I saw it. Nearly a mile away, there it was...in all of its glory...its faded...stained..ripped...glory. But after our quarter of an hour trek I sat down on what might honestly be the most comfortable sofa in the world. Yeh it might smell of children and overly processed cheese, but damn, was it comfortable. And with that we lifted...not even caring to take off the 'FREE SOFA PLEASE TAKE!!' sign off the settee. We watched as all the cars driving by slowed down to gawk at the freaks going down the street carrying a sofa bed a mile to their house. About half a mile into it, we discovered that flip flops were not the best attire to carry an 80 pound sofa with and you can't walk backward with them. Chris impressed me many times carrying the brunt of the furniture with his nearly super human strength, and holding his flip flops with his toes while walking backward carrying the couch. We kept resting and sitting on the sofa two boys thought we were going to put the sofa outside of the gorcery store for good. Either way we finally got it home. And Chris lifted it by himself through the door into the study. This was the biggest surprise of our new find...
It matchs identically with our study. It's bizzar red stripes suit the room to a T. As if the room had been designed on the fabric on the sofa. And so...we have our new sofa..AND I LOVE IT! 

my dream

For the past few months I have been praying for guidance in my dreams as to what I should do with my relationship.

Last night I finally had my dream. In my dream, Chris and I gave birth to a small dark haired, olive skinned boy--even though it was Chris's son. We weren't married and I remember a fog of complacence over the whole dream. I kept being attracted to other men, just any man I came across. This was the sickest thing though. I didn't care about my son for half of the dream. Chris, like he does on a daily basis--even a good one--, called me words like 'idiot, bitch, twat, dipshit'. As my son grew at an alarmingly quick rate he picked up on these words. And either called me them, he completely ignored me and didn't even call me mum. I finally tried to reconnect with him, yet he kept trying to escape and laugh at me. He finally settled down and started to accept me as his mother. Through all this random people were sharing our house with us. And Chris was always in this one room with about five computers, he wouldn't leave the room. He was playing games and talking to girls, I wasn't jealous of that in my dream though. It was the fact that on the television in the room, when a sexy lingerie model was on the screen, my son pointed at her and said 'mummy' to which Chris laughed and said jokingly 'yes that is your mummy, or I wish she was'. Throughout the dream Chris and I showed no love to one another. We were strangers in our relationship.
I think this dream elucidated somethings I would rather ignore in our relationship. The lack of respect, the fact that we don't want to marry each other (yet). And most importantly, if Chris keeps treating me the way he is treating me, I will be antagonized and disrespected by my own children and will be continually unhappy in our relationship. I know I have to speak to Chris about this and I am terrified. But to be honest, I think I should best find somewhere else to live. This truth shook me to my core. Please any advice as to how I should bring this up to him so he won't scream.

Aug. 13th, 2009

wow what a change around. My relationship has been so much better recently. We both had a big long talk and realized the problems were that he frightend me and I didn't allow myself to depend on him or ask things of him and that I wasn't listening as I should. He has made a real effort to be more romantic which I love, and has gone out of his way to take care of me. I am starting to get an idea that the only thing that sets off our arguements are external pressues like his family.

On another note though I am doing so much better, I have come down with swine flu. Lovely...I am about to fall asleep here. Got the tamiflu and I am SO ZONED OUT.

Aug. 6th, 2009

I feel like i am stuck in a rut. Usually I cant stand being idle but recently I can do nothing but stay idle I don't even want to do anything but stay in bed. I have had a swollen tonsil for about month. I also sleep for about 14 hours a day, I can't stop being exhausted. I saw a doctor today about it, I usually have plenty of energy but I have felt dead.  I have been leaving the house more messy than I would like.  I haven't done any of my hobbies or enjoyed anything except for my job. I feel like such a waster, I used to cook all the time...now I do it about 3 times a week. I wish I could just sleep to be honest. I don't want anything else.


Behold, we have an awful awful infestation...people can't leave their cars, children are dieing and people are screaming. How do we live!?


the ladybugs have LANDED!!! their dead and decaying bodies infest the floor where ever you walk you stread on one. It's disgusting...JUST KIDDING i love these little speckled aphid eaters and I enjoy how they  handle my small garden's aphid issues! They are so cute and them along with the butterflies are OVERWHELMING !


YES! Two exciting things happend today. It overcame me, and flooded me the CURIOSITY!!!!!! I visited the house today, after 6 months I finally saw the outside of where we are moving. I got horribly lost and called Tanya to Google me and try to figure out where the fuck I was going, I had only found where it was based on google maps....strangely enough I saw front gardens I have seen online, I felt like such a creepy weirdo wandering a neighborhood I had seen before ON THE INTERNET trying to find a HOUSE I DONT LIVE IN. I looked extremely suspicious taking pictures outside, and of course I found out that they are doing MAJOR ROAD CONSTRUCTION and hte outside to the house is nearly impossible to get into so I have NO idea how we are going to move all our stuff into the house. BUT LATER TODAY I GOT A DOSE OF GOOD NEWS....Provided there are no major natural disastors, nor a hostile take over of the EU by Chris's favourite, Nick Griffin, WE ARE MOVING IN ON FRIDAY. Chris even helped me pack today...or I helped him...either way it was brilliant and we are so excited. PLEASE keep sending your prayers that it will work out alright, with the least amount of stress, AND ANY MOVING ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED- this being said from someone whos moved 14 times in the past 3 years.
Many English people don't tell you what they really think, because they don't want to offend. Today a person  who I considered a very close friend, someone who I would happily give them the shirt off my back turned to my boyfriend and told him that he thought he was a shit person...said that I hadn't consulted him (WHEN I HAD) about something very important, and that we were pretty much shit people. This is after I introduced and set him up with his girlfriend, let him into my circle of friends, and here he comes in and shits all over it ruining it for every one in the group. When all he could have done was taken me aside and spoke to me. I would have been more than happy to help him out and address his concerns. But apparently that is undo able for a fucking English person.  Chris knew he has had some problems so he offered to buy him food, and even offered him a place to stay.  We would have been happy and willing to help him out the way he has helped us out.  He is having a rough time and this might just be his stress pouring out but apprently it is enough that he has completely cut me and Chris out of his life and in doing so EVERY ONE OF OUR FRIEND'S LIVES AS WELL. Even my most precious friend here in the process.  I don't want to see any of them for a while to be honest. And I was lied to again when someone else said I would be first in friendship. To be honest I hate drama with friends I never really had it back home, becuase I had a friend I KNEW I could tell anything to. It never got to me like this before, and to be honest,  I am seriously considering chucking out all my friends save one after this. Dear god let this house go through asap



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