Didn't realize I haven't updated this in ages. We worked our issues out. Everything's chill. I worked everything out. Sorry for being so childish. I will update this later but things are happening in a big way and I am just holding on for dear life. I am scared but we will see...

It's been a year since I moved here. I am proud I have gotten this far, I have matured more than I ever thought I would and have learned really hard lessons. One of which I learned how people who say they care more than often don't.  A friend of mine said that when I left the states that people would forget about me. I said those were lies, I didn't beleive, I stayed in contact in email, phone, anyway I could. But it turns out its true. I have tried to get in contact with a few people, leaving messages, emails, texts, anything. But they ignore them. And you know why? Because when you move you become dead to people. You find out what you truly mean to people.  And you find out that some people consider you as a burden rather than a friend.  You realize that though you might try to help someone they will throw it in your face.  I have even wanted to join the Fur Affinity art community, or a mush of a friend of mine but that was thrown in my face. Just like Chris says 'you didn't expect it to last.'

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8206280.stm

Yes friends it is inevitable. Most of you know I absolutely HATE zombies, I am not afraid of them I just find them truly annoying.


Looks like we would be screwed if they really existed. But I bet Norwich would destroy them, we are good like that. Though I think I would rather be stuck in a house with Jack, my super patriotic friend, with something like 12 guns with a huge amount of land and a house I could so make self sufficient.  So long as I am not in London.  That would suck. LOL

Chris and I have been doing so well, its unbeleiveable. We have really been working on communicateing he has been so romantic kissing me more than enough times a day. I feel like we have only now just found each other. I am so happy things have worked out so well. He hasn't been rude or harsh to me at all.  I love him to bits.

Recently I found a fabulous new website which I RECOMMEND TO EVERY WOMAN
www.flylady.com/

this website has inspired me and gotten me to accomplish more in a few days than I have been able to in weeks. It is lovely.  Our house is truely starting to look like a home, a damn good looking home in my humble opinion, something I never thought I would be worthy of.  We are throwing a party on the 29th and we expect about 25 people to show up. It is going to be amazing. I am so excited. We are having a bon fire, fireworks, cake, bbq, anything and EVERYTHING you can ask for. We even got an extra sofa bed.

Chris came home the other day, he told me with a Pikey (see definition yank friends) glint in his eye that there was a free sofa bed on the side of the road 'JUST DOWN THE STREET' and it was in amazing condition, brand new.
According to Chris the neighborhood, nay the world, would jump on this once in a life time opportunity and we needed to get there quick... Only one thing he said ended up being true, that sofa was definately free.
After calling around 5 people, we realized everyone was either drunk or didn't have access to a car to carry it, that meant we were alone to gather our new found treasure. And with that we set off, he in his flipflops me in my sensible lace up shoes, to carry a sofa to our house. Let me explain that more clearly, we were going to walk along a busy street carrying a sofa in our HANDS.

At first, I thought it would be right down the street, as I had been told...boy was I wrong. A block passed by...than another street, than another block...and a few more streets....nearly 15 minutes later I saw it. Nearly a mile away, there it was...in all of its glory...its faded...stained..ripped...glory. But after our quarter of an hour trek I sat down on what might honestly be the most comfortable sofa in the world. Yeh it might smell of children and overly processed cheese, but damn, was it comfortable. And with that we lifted...not even caring to take off the 'FREE SOFA PLEASE TAKE!!' sign off the settee. We watched as all the cars driving by slowed down to gawk at the freaks going down the street carrying a sofa bed a mile to their house. About half a mile into it, we discovered that flip flops were not the best attire to carry an 80 pound sofa with and you can't walk backward with them. Chris impressed me many times carrying the brunt of the furniture with his nearly super human strength, and holding his flip flops with his toes while walking backward carrying the couch. We kept resting and sitting on the sofa two boys thought we were going to put the sofa outside of the gorcery store for good. Either way we finally got it home. And Chris lifted it by himself through the door into the study. This was the biggest surprise of our new find...
It matchs identically with our study. It's bizzar red stripes suit the room to a T. As if the room had been designed on the fabric on the sofa. And so...we have our new sofa..AND I LOVE IT! 

For the past few months I have been praying for guidance in my dreams as to what I should do with my relationship.

Last night I finally had my dream. In my dream, Chris and I gave birth to a small dark haired, olive skinned boy--even though it was Chris's son. We weren't married and I remember a fog of complacence over the whole dream. I kept being attracted to other men, just any man I came across. This was the sickest thing though. I didn't care about my son for half of the dream. Chris, like he does on a daily basis--even a good one--, called me words like 'idiot, bitch, twat, dipshit'. As my son grew at an alarmingly quick rate he picked up on these words. And either called me them, he completely ignored me and didn't even call me mum. I finally tried to reconnect with him, yet he kept trying to escape and laugh at me. He finally settled down and started to accept me as his mother. Through all this random people were sharing our house with us. And Chris was always in this one room with about five computers, he wouldn't leave the room. He was playing games and talking to girls, I wasn't jealous of that in my dream though. It was the fact that on the television in the room, when a sexy lingerie model was on the screen, my son pointed at her and said 'mummy' to which Chris laughed and said jokingly 'yes that is your mummy, or I wish she was'. Throughout the dream Chris and I showed no love to one another. We were strangers in our relationship.
I think this dream elucidated somethings I would rather ignore in our relationship. The lack of respect, the fact that we don't want to marry each other (yet). And most importantly, if Chris keeps treating me the way he is treating me, I will be antagonized and disrespected by my own children and will be continually unhappy in our relationship. I know I have to speak to Chris about this and I am terrified. But to be honest, I think I should best find somewhere else to live. This truth shook me to my core. Please any advice as to how I should bring this up to him so he won't scream.

wow what a change around. My relationship has been so much better recently. We both had a big long talk and realized the problems were that he frightend me and I didn't allow myself to depend on him or ask things of him and that I wasn't listening as I should. He has made a real effort to be more romantic which I love, and has gone out of his way to take care of me. I am starting to get an idea that the only thing that sets off our arguements are external pressues like his family.

On another note though I am doing so much better, I have come down with swine flu. Lovely...I am about to fall asleep here. Got the tamiflu and I am SO ZONED OUT.

I feel like i am stuck in a rut. Usually I cant stand being idle but recently I can do nothing but stay idle I don't even want to do anything but stay in bed. I have had a swollen tonsil for about month. I also sleep for about 14 hours a day, I can't stop being exhausted. I saw a doctor today about it, I usually have plenty of energy but I have felt dead.  I have been leaving the house more messy than I would like.  I haven't done any of my hobbies or enjoyed anything except for my job. I feel like such a waster, I used to cook all the time...now I do it about 3 times a week. I wish I could just sleep to be honest. I don't want anything else.

Behold, we have an awful awful infestation...people can't leave their cars, children are dieing and people are screaming. How do we live!?

www.edp24.co.uk/content/edp24/sport/football/norwich-city/story.aspx

the ladybugs have LANDED!!! their dead and decaying bodies infest the floor where ever you walk you stread on one. It's disgusting...JUST KIDDING i love these little speckled aphid eaters and I enjoy how they  handle my small garden's aphid issues! They are so cute and them along with the butterflies are OVERWHELMING !

MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW! I HAVE A PHONE INSTALLED ON WEDNESDAY please cayt email me with your phone numbers! I WILL CELEBRATE AT A MANOR HOUSE OH AND I HAVE A JOB. more updates later!

YES! Two exciting things happend today. It overcame me, and flooded me the CURIOSITY!!!!!! I visited the house today, after 6 months I finally saw the outside of where we are moving. I got horribly lost and called Tanya to Google me and try to figure out where the fuck I was going, I had only found where it was based on google maps....strangely enough I saw front gardens I have seen online, I felt like such a creepy weirdo wandering a neighborhood I had seen before ON THE INTERNET trying to find a HOUSE I DONT LIVE IN. I looked extremely suspicious taking pictures outside, and of course I found out that they are doing MAJOR ROAD CONSTRUCTION and hte outside to the house is nearly impossible to get into so I have NO idea how we are going to move all our stuff into the house. BUT LATER TODAY I GOT A DOSE OF GOOD NEWS....Provided there are no major natural disastors, nor a hostile take over of the EU by Chris's favourite, Nick Griffin, WE ARE MOVING IN ON FRIDAY. Chris even helped me pack today...or I helped him...either way it was brilliant and we are so excited. PLEASE keep sending your prayers that it will work out alright, with the least amount of stress, AND ANY MOVING ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED- this being said from someone whos moved 14 times in the past 3 years.

Many English people don't tell you what they really think, because they don't want to offend. Today a person  who I considered a very close friend, someone who I would happily give them the shirt off my back turned to my boyfriend and told him that he thought he was a shit person...said that I hadn't consulted him (WHEN I HAD) about something very important, and that we were pretty much shit people. This is after I introduced and set him up with his girlfriend, let him into my circle of friends, and here he comes in and shits all over it ruining it for every one in the group. When all he could have done was taken me aside and spoke to me. I would have been more than happy to help him out and address his concerns. But apparently that is undo able for a fucking English person.  Chris knew he has had some problems so he offered to buy him food, and even offered him a place to stay.  We would have been happy and willing to help him out the way he has helped us out.  He is having a rough time and this might just be his stress pouring out but apprently it is enough that he has completely cut me and Chris out of his life and in doing so EVERY ONE OF OUR FRIEND'S LIVES AS WELL. Even my most precious friend here in the process.  I don't want to see any of them for a while to be honest. And I was lied to again when someone else said I would be first in friendship. To be honest I hate drama with friends I never really had it back home, becuase I had a friend I KNEW I could tell anything to. It never got to me like this before, and to be honest,  I am seriously considering chucking out all my friends save one after this. Dear god let this house go through asap

we are STILL waiting to find out when we can move into our house.  Worst comes to worse it will be on the 12th. I have a very important meeting which I have to keep under wraps here but just everyone wish me luck

I have done it...I have finished my first year of university in England...and you know it wasn't that hard at all....Wow.....I AM DONE!!!!!!!!!!!! And we move into the house next week....finally!

Heya, so things have been going a lot better thanks to many prayers and a good dose of old communication.  Sometimes he needs to feel needed. And I did too...Luckily we have sorted it out for now and we are still putting up with loads of stress. I have some awesome friends.  And a very sweet guy who needs to know how much I love him sometimes.  Now I need to ask for a new dose of prayers and well wishes as I hope I do well on my 3 EXAMS IN A ROW this week....and hopefully we move into our new place THIS WEEKEND. AFTER NEARLY 6 MONTHS HOPEFULLY WE WILL MOVE INTO OUR NEW PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE
I HAVE MOVED 14/15 TIMES IN THE PAST 3 YEARS MAKE THIS WORK.........MAKE....THIS....WORK....PLEASE.....GOD

You know when you think things could never get any worse and than they get 100x worse, that has been my life for the past two weeks. I hope to GOD things get easier. I have been so stressed between exams and living in an 8 x 10 room with my boyfriend i lost my appetite and not a day seems to go by when I don't just keep shivering or break down and cry...please I ask for your prayers and well wishes.  I hope other friends think they can still come to me for help as well I love you all <3

Today I got sorta upset. Chris and I are definately feeling the crunch of living in a 10 by 8 foot room...its wearing thing I think.

I am almost done with exams 4 To go! Here, for a history exam they put all of the exams at the end of the year, all those cost 50% of your grade. I am mortified, and I need to start studying.

I wish Chris would be more understanding how important these are and stop making things so difficult, he isn't a selfish person he is just sometimes....ignorant to what others are feeling and what trials they are going through.

He and I got in a big fight because he misunderstood something very important in our relationship. And than he refused to talk about it...which really upset me more than anything. I need to talk about this with him and I don't think he understands. He can be very pigheaded and does things ONLY the way he wants to do them.  I love him dearly but I need to sort this out with him, because I feel so depressed about it.

The other day I went down to suffolk with a school trip thing for only 10 quid was able to visit 3 different heretige sites. They were gorgeous the first was a nice town called Levenham where I had tea and crumpets and watched passers by. The town was big news for its cloth production in the middle ages.  Than we traveled to Melworth Hall which was nice from the outside, but was strange on the inside as half the house was open to the public the other half was still owned by the family and taken over by the governments to pay huge death debts which seems outrageous.   Than we went to my favourite stop, unfortunately I wasn't able to take as many photos. I was most proud that my yellow dress matched the endless fields of yellow flowers on our way.


pics.livejournal.com/webwolf404/gallery/00042c9k

Sorry for not posting in a while but I will catch everyone up in a bit.

First things first,
It truely hit me for the first time today. Chris and I are a live in couple, a proper together people who spend thier lives, have thier own house, set up a life together couple. Wow....he has been trying to do this so hard for me. And to make it perfect.
And here I go keep ignoring it thinking it's not what he wants, but damn he loves me, and it took me this long to realize. Plus I love living with him. I love him. A lot.
Even if he is a groucho.

stupid house taking longer than it should
have been very sick
wierd changes in my relationship with chris, it's getting better now
have a great new friend
BUT I MISS MY CAYTLINNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No updates for a while, sorry about that, but I have limited internet access ATM. Much will fall into place after that changes probably around 5-16 of Feb. Much love <3

So today I handed in my final essay...FINALLY. I no longer have the investiture contest LEANING over me, no longer is Pope Gregory VII staring into my soul saying "do your essay...God commands it." I can now finally regain my social life and fully celebrate Christmas in England. I have to say it...sure...feels like Christmas. It is gorgeous...all the trees and lights in the city centre, all the shoppers. EVEN THE OTHER NIGHT CHRIS AND I SAW CHILDREN CAROLING. When I asked him if we could go caroling he laughed and told me it was only a thing children did. I was crushed, and proceeded to ask him when we would have children to go caroling with. I believe having a child solely to sing carols with it,going door to door in freezing weather, grooming it solely for the fact of singing, upstaging it in performances and leaving it on someones door step after Christmas would be the best course of action. He, however, disagreed. LOL

I have gotten some AWFUL cold. Doesn't make me feel terrible but defiantly out of it and I sound like I have smokers lung...which is very attractive in a woman. English people love mucus.

So I was able to call my family for the first time in MONTHS due to a 5£ phone card which gave me 500 minutes. NOT BAD....And low and behold it is just as easy as an American phone card, only cheaper and in short I should have gotten one sooner.  Problem is apparently I turned off my brit/yank accent and turned on my yank accent. I didn't know I had a brit accent...but apparently I do.

  I received an amazing cheap DVD today..."The Conquerer" which stars John Wayne....as .....get this.... Genghis Khan.
Behold:
www.badmovies.org/multimedia/moviesl/conqueror1.mpg

Today I received my first graded piece of work, a 13 page essay about the experaince of the common infantry soldier in the 16th 17th 18th century.  It was with my favourite teacher Prof. Otte and I recieved a 68...by American standereds, that sucks donkey tail, but...by brit standerds that's an A- or in English English, A High Second Upper Hounors. 8D HORRAY! I cross my fingers for a repeat showing in my other essays.

Let me explain how cold Norwich is in the winter....imagine you're naked....with a icelolly up your butt, drinking a slushie...while snow is being rubbed on you, there are gale force winds, and its raining...cold rain....
Also...the heating isn't that great in most houses. Yeah, it's that cold.